All of the stories on my blog are true. But the story I am about to relate may be the most difficult to believe. This story, word for word, is indeed true. I have been waiting sixteen years to tell it, and you shall understand why in just a few moments.
Bonnie Biggs and I met in the fall of 1979 as freshmen in high school. I had been moved around the country so many times at that point, and I was so physically small, I was terrified of entering the cafeteria. So I took my brown bag lunch and found an empty classroom to hide and to eat. Bonnie was there, too.
Our friendship blossomed immediately. Over the years we would laugh and cry and love each other and hate each other. I lost my virginity with Bonnie, and she is still the only woman I have ever been with in a sexual way. Ironically, Bonnie took me to my first gay bar, witnessed my first gay kiss and set me up with my first boyfriend.
Bonnie was a member of the Baha'i Faith and struggled with her own relationship issues and sexuality. It was almost unbelievable that the two of us would find God at an Assembly of God church and subsequently marry. A few months later, after an exorcism and a very significant prayer session, Bonnie was pregnant with our wonderful daughter, London.
Many people ask how I could possibly have been married and had sex with a woman if I knew already that I was gay. Yeah, good question, but that is a completely different blog posting. Complicated and weird, it happens more than you think, and I am sure everyone has a different story. For me, I just figured ALL men, straight or gay, had to make a decision to be faithful. So I put on my horse blinders and went forward with my life. I loved (love?) Bonnie with all my heart.
Disappointing then when our relationship soured.
People can argue in my face all they want, but it wasn't a sex thing. We divorced over the same thing almost every couple divorces over... money. Plain and simple. It was bitter and hateful and angry and horrible, and it continued to get worse after we separated.
A year and a half later and it was summer of 1995. I rented a room and bathroom in Williamsburg. No living room, no kitchen...just a bedroom and bathroom in a house of strangers. I had no car. I lived three blocks from Bonnie and London and I was at their house almost every day. Sometimes people would ask me if I was straight or gay, and I would just tell them, "I am nothing. I am just a father trying to make things work for my daughter. I can't date, I want to be alone."
One night after work, my friend Jim asked if I wanted to ride with him to Norfolk to hang out at the Garage, a gay bar in downtown. We had not quite finished our sidework, and I agreed to go. As we pulled onto Route 60, I mentioned to Jim that I was tired and should just go home. He didn't want to go to Norfolk by himself, so he tried to talk me into going. I kept refusing, even telling him to pull over so I could walk home. Just then Jim pulled onto Route 199, and there was no way in hell he was going to turn around and let me out of the car.
Jim said, "What is wrong with you? Let's go have a beer and have fun."
I replied, "It doesn't matter, Jim. I have known Bonnie for 16 years now. If I go out tonight and meet someone tonight, it will be 16 years before I know someone like I know her. It's too hard, I don't want to do it again."
Do you see where this is going? Do you understand why tomorrow is so important to me? A self-fullfilling prophecy. A glimmer of hope for all my single friends who are looking desperately for the love of their lives.
Jim and I arrived at the Garage about an hour later. I was fairly pissed at being forced to go, and of course I immediately started complaining about wanting to go home. I even checked my wallet to see if I had enough cab money to get back to Williamsburg. Jim was chatting with a group of guys that I didn't like. I just sat on a bench, sipping my beer and stewing about how awful my life had become. Eventually I had to go to the bathroom, so I stood up and got in line.
Some dude behind me asked if I wanted to play pool. I didn't even look at him! I just said NO. I peed and went back to pout on my bench. Jim, being the asshole that he was, ordered another beer and continued to talk with his snotty friends. I continued to mope. Somehow, (THANK YOU GOD), I realized we weren't going anywhere fast, so I might as well play pool with that guy...um, who was it again? And then I saw him.
"Hi. Were you the guy who asked me to play pool? I'm sorry, I'm just in a bad mood, but if the game is still open, I would like to play. My name is Kirk."
"Hi. My name is Leo."
The heavens opened, the angels sang. You could hear the puzzle piece snap into place. Have you ever put together a puzzle? Do you work on the outer rim first? This was like the last piece of the outer rim, a joy that says, "You are on your way now." All the other pieces have been filling in my life, the perimeter was set at that moment. Nowadays we are adding clouds, and parts of the house, and flowers in the lower left corner. There are some unknown parts in the middle, I guess I could look at the box. Or maybe not. Its going to be beautiful when its done.
16 years ago I met someone on my darkest day. It has been incredible.
